He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
