Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
