maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
