saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
