Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
