I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
