Pants 0. Shit 1.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
