Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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