I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
