I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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