I am in a vortex of obligation.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
