my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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