Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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