I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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