We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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