It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
