then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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