Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
