At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
