wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
