She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
