i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
