I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i was born a porn star she said
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
