I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
