i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
