i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
