Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
