are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
