How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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