I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
