this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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