Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
