I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
