i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
