talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
what day is it and did you see me today?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
