she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
