idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Little spoons don't ask big questions
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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