Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
