i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
What drink are we having for lunch?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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