OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I supernannyed him into submission
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
