Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
