in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
