i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
