Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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