Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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