I showed him my bush... on skype.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
