my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
