Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
