Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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