The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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