Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
