My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
