Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
